Post by Jay Swift on Sept 11, 2013 23:57:59 GMT -4
The scene fades in and Jay Swift is seen near a restaurant outside of town. He’s in a pretty amused mood, and for good reason. He’s had fun dealing with a certain somebody lately, and he’s about to speak out about that in a few seconds. He straightens his posture and begins to speak.
Jay Swift: Last week was quite the fun week wasn’t it? I mean yeah, the way I won last week wasn’t the way I would draw it up, but a win is a win and that’s something that I’m going to take with me going forward. But first, let me say a few things to one Anthony Royal. Anthony, when I said that my girlfriend could do better against Kris Destiny than you did at Thunderstorm, I wasn’t referring to Roberto Maggia. Where did you get that wisecrack from? The Anthony Bloodbath Book of Gay Jokes? Anyway, I don’t consider Maggia a close friend of mine by any means. I respect him though, for being the impartial authority figure that he is. There may be people in AWR that have an axe to grind against him, but I’m not one of them. I honestly won’t judge Maggia for his personal stuff that he’s got going on lately, but people like you and Rusty just never seem to get it. That’s okay Royal, because soon enough, you’ll be taught the same lesson that Rusty Axel was taught a few weeks ago. I know you have your big birthday celebration tomorrow night and I have a little bit of advice for you. Have as much security around the ring as you can, because you never know which uninvited guests may show up. Royal, it’s war now and believe me, in this war, you won’t win!
Swift pauses before he focuses on the match at hand.
Jay Swift: Now then, let’s talk about what’s going to go down tomorrow night on Crash TV! I am going to, once again, take on Robert Carr. Now Carr, I’ve listened to what you’ve had to say, and honestly, you just don’t get it. You just speak the same fucking trash over and over again and it’s really starting to bore me. You’re starting to become a bigger pain in the ass than my ex-girlfriend Marina Valdivia ever was every time we met in the ring, and outside of it now that I think about it. I mean really, how many lame wisecracks are you going to throw at me before you finally grow a brain and realize that it’s not getting you anywhere. How many times are you going to talk about giving me the beating of a lifetime? Hell, how many times are you going to try to be better than me? Sure, harp on last week, but the fact of the matter is, last week, you still lost. That’s the second time I’ve beaten you and as far as RCH3 and I go, let me put it to you this way. RCH3 and I respect the traditions of wrestling and sure, there were plenty of times where I could have helped him and plenty of times where he could have helped me. But had he did, we would have broken the traditions of wrestling, in tag team form and those traditions are fair play and not interfering when you’re not in the ring. Those are traditions you and Tracy Adkins BOTH broke last week.
So let’s run down the list of retread bullshit that you used this time. Calling me an ass clown? Check. Throwing some desperate bullshit out there? I’d say trying to connect me to the war machines qualifies as that. So…check. Saying that I have no fans. Check. Mentioning the person I used to be when I was an immature person that thought the world revolved around him. Check. Doubting my legitimacy and whether or not I can be trusted. Check. Calling me an utterly ridiculous name. Last week, it was you calling me a bitch. This week, it was “ass whore”. Check. Accusing me of things that aren’t even true with some stupid conspiracy theory. Check. Calling me a fraud? Check. Making a ridiculous pun about my nickname? Check. So, by my count, that’s about seven things that you did last week that you did again this week and obviously, since I had already countered those things last week, what in the fuck is the point of countering all those things again this week? I’d basically be cutting the same promo two weeks in a row. Are you one of those people that believe that the more you say something, it’s going to be true Carr? Because that’s flawed logic on your part! Here’s how things really work Robert, no matter how many times you spew a lie, it’s NEVER going to be true.
Let’s quickly run down, in one sentence, possibly less, those seven repetitive accusations. Leading off with ‘ass clown’. Yeah…that’s not even WORTH me trying to counter because it’s just a cheap insult, so I’m going to move on. You’re accusing me of being behind the War Machines, even calling them my “old buddies”. My counter: I never knew these guys even existed until they showed up at Thunderstorm. Next! You say I can’t be trusted and that I’m a fraud because of the person that I was in the past, in the NIWF. The past is the past, get the fuck over it. Next. You call me an “ass whore”. Something like that is so pathetically moronic that I am not even going to bother trying to counteract that. Next! You’re saying that you’re going to “fizzle out the lightning”. I doubt that, because it’s obvious that your common sense, your intelligence, your dignity, your manhood and your credibility fizzled out a long time ago. Yeah, I think that’s all I really need to say, and that’s without mentioning the fact that I’ve already beaten you twice and have gone farther in this company in just six matches than you have in about a year. So, what else are you going to come up with genius? Honestly, with how pathetic you’ve shown you’ve become, I can hardly take you seriously anymore.
Swift laughs as he thinks through the rest of Robert Carr’s promo.
Jay Swift: Seriously man, what the fuck is wrong with you? What in the hell did I ever do to you for you to hate me so much? I’m not crying about it, I think it’s extremely amusing that you have such a hatred for me when I never even met you until I joined AWR. You know what I think it is Robert? I think your hatred of me stems from your jealousy of me. And you know what else stems from your jealousy? The fact that you’ve never beaten me and the fact that you just harp on the kind of man that I once was, over and over and over again. Are you jealous of me because you wish you’ve had success in your career in wrestling that I have? I wouldn’t put it past you, after all, there have been plenty of men and women that have gotten jealous of Jay Swift over the years. Are you jealous of me because you know that you’ll never be the man that I am? I doubt anyone would even want to associate with someone that brutally butchers the English language every other word. Here’s my conspiracy theory for you Robert, and most likely this isn’t true, but I have to ask you a question. Are you related to Bret Harris and Rattlesnake by any chance? Maybe you’re jealous of me because I have what you don’t, a woman. And speaking of her, I’ll take a page out of my Anthony Royal tweet. My girlfriend can cut a better promo than you.
Swift laughs harder than ever, obviously he has something planned. He turns to his left and says something to someone off camera.
Jay Swift: Hey! Get over here!
He waits.
Voice: Do I really have to do this?
Jay Swift: You don’t HAVE TO, but it’ll be fun. Trust me. You saw what that son of a bitch said about me.
Voice: Yeah. (laughs). What a loser.
Jay Swift: I said you could cut a better promo than that guy and I want to prove it damn it! (laughs)
Voice: You said what? Oh god! You had this all planned didn’t you?
Jay Swift: I sure did!
With that, a woman walks into the picture right next to Swift, everything from her red hair, slightly nerdish complexion and her size 3 figure is perfect for him. In other words, she’s not a typical model and she’s highly smart.
Jay Swift: Anthony Royal, this is the girlfriend I was talking about on Twitter.
Woman: You did what now?
Jay Swift: I said you’d do better than he did against Kris Destiny.
Woman: I’m not even a wrestler.
Jay Swift: That’s the point. Anyway, Royal, Carr, everyone in AWR, this is Ophelia. We’ve been seeing each other for eleven months now. Ophelia, all I want you to do is tell Robert Carr what you think about him.
Ophelia: Do I get a prompt at least?
Jay Swift: Sure, if you want to call a list of bullet points a prompt.
Swift reaches into his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper. He hands it to her.
Jay Swift: Take it away.
Ophelia delivers a nervous laugh as she looks over the list. She takes a small breath and speaks.
Ophelia: Robert Carr, you wish you could be an eighths of a man that Jay is. You sound like one of those rednecks that never even got out of high school. Jay isn’t the kind of guy that would kiss any ass, nor is he someone that would be aligned with a group of absolute nobodies that are more incompetent than Bret Harris at a Harvard convention. You say that there are no “hardcore” Jay Swift fans? Were you deaf when Thunderstorm was rolling? Everyone loved him! And you are looking at a hardcore Jay Swift fan…
Jay Swift: She’s a hardcore Jay Swift fan in more ways than one!
Ophelia: Oh shut up! (laughs) Hell, I’m more of a fan of Jay Swift the man than Jay Swift the wrestler and believe me, if you even knew the kind of man that Jay is outside the ring, you wouldn’t even be hanging on to his past and the asshole that he used to be. Let me tell you a little bit about Jay Swift the man. Jay is one of the most charming people you’ll ever meet. All he ever talks about is how he wants to be a role model to his own daughter, who is about to turn three years old this weekend. All he ever talks about, along with that, is how much he wants me to be happy and how he’ll always be there for me no matter what. That’s not the Jay Swift that first broke into wrestling, I’m aware of that. But, I still accept him and love him because I’m not focused on what he was before, I’m more focused than what he is now. Robert Carr, you’re not even focused on what you are now, because if you were, you wouldn’t be in denial over your own career, because to tell you the honest to god truth, your career is so lame, it’d take more than a dose of Viagra to make it useful again.
Jay Swift: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!
Ophelia: That was good right? (laughs)
Jay Swift: That was AWESOME. Keep going.
Ophelia: You call Jay a bastard. Robert, listening to you talk is like listening to that teacher on Charlie Brown say anything that’s worth a crap. You’re a word that just so happens to end with “tard” and that starts with an “R”. Even you can figure out what that word is. Jay disguises the truth to look innocent. Huh? Jay disguises nothing! It is YOU that lives in denial and thinks that he’s still worth anything. Jay doesn’t need to “pretend” to be a fan favorite. You on the other hand, need to stop pretending to be a wrestler. Shut up Jay, don’t laugh. (laughs) Wait a minute….he called you an ass whore?
Jay Swift: Yep.
Ophelia: WOW! I’m done Jay, this guy’s not even worth it.
Jay Swift: Why do you think I brought you here to cut a better promo than him?
Swift takes over.
Jay Swift: Robert Carr, while you prepare to once again be struck down, electrified and brutalized by Arizona Lightning, Jay Swift, the lady and I are going to get something to eat.
Ophelia: About time, I’m hungry!
With that, the two of them leave toward the restaurant as the scene fades to black.
Jay Swift: Last week was quite the fun week wasn’t it? I mean yeah, the way I won last week wasn’t the way I would draw it up, but a win is a win and that’s something that I’m going to take with me going forward. But first, let me say a few things to one Anthony Royal. Anthony, when I said that my girlfriend could do better against Kris Destiny than you did at Thunderstorm, I wasn’t referring to Roberto Maggia. Where did you get that wisecrack from? The Anthony Bloodbath Book of Gay Jokes? Anyway, I don’t consider Maggia a close friend of mine by any means. I respect him though, for being the impartial authority figure that he is. There may be people in AWR that have an axe to grind against him, but I’m not one of them. I honestly won’t judge Maggia for his personal stuff that he’s got going on lately, but people like you and Rusty just never seem to get it. That’s okay Royal, because soon enough, you’ll be taught the same lesson that Rusty Axel was taught a few weeks ago. I know you have your big birthday celebration tomorrow night and I have a little bit of advice for you. Have as much security around the ring as you can, because you never know which uninvited guests may show up. Royal, it’s war now and believe me, in this war, you won’t win!
Swift pauses before he focuses on the match at hand.
Jay Swift: Now then, let’s talk about what’s going to go down tomorrow night on Crash TV! I am going to, once again, take on Robert Carr. Now Carr, I’ve listened to what you’ve had to say, and honestly, you just don’t get it. You just speak the same fucking trash over and over again and it’s really starting to bore me. You’re starting to become a bigger pain in the ass than my ex-girlfriend Marina Valdivia ever was every time we met in the ring, and outside of it now that I think about it. I mean really, how many lame wisecracks are you going to throw at me before you finally grow a brain and realize that it’s not getting you anywhere. How many times are you going to talk about giving me the beating of a lifetime? Hell, how many times are you going to try to be better than me? Sure, harp on last week, but the fact of the matter is, last week, you still lost. That’s the second time I’ve beaten you and as far as RCH3 and I go, let me put it to you this way. RCH3 and I respect the traditions of wrestling and sure, there were plenty of times where I could have helped him and plenty of times where he could have helped me. But had he did, we would have broken the traditions of wrestling, in tag team form and those traditions are fair play and not interfering when you’re not in the ring. Those are traditions you and Tracy Adkins BOTH broke last week.
So let’s run down the list of retread bullshit that you used this time. Calling me an ass clown? Check. Throwing some desperate bullshit out there? I’d say trying to connect me to the war machines qualifies as that. So…check. Saying that I have no fans. Check. Mentioning the person I used to be when I was an immature person that thought the world revolved around him. Check. Doubting my legitimacy and whether or not I can be trusted. Check. Calling me an utterly ridiculous name. Last week, it was you calling me a bitch. This week, it was “ass whore”. Check. Accusing me of things that aren’t even true with some stupid conspiracy theory. Check. Calling me a fraud? Check. Making a ridiculous pun about my nickname? Check. So, by my count, that’s about seven things that you did last week that you did again this week and obviously, since I had already countered those things last week, what in the fuck is the point of countering all those things again this week? I’d basically be cutting the same promo two weeks in a row. Are you one of those people that believe that the more you say something, it’s going to be true Carr? Because that’s flawed logic on your part! Here’s how things really work Robert, no matter how many times you spew a lie, it’s NEVER going to be true.
Let’s quickly run down, in one sentence, possibly less, those seven repetitive accusations. Leading off with ‘ass clown’. Yeah…that’s not even WORTH me trying to counter because it’s just a cheap insult, so I’m going to move on. You’re accusing me of being behind the War Machines, even calling them my “old buddies”. My counter: I never knew these guys even existed until they showed up at Thunderstorm. Next! You say I can’t be trusted and that I’m a fraud because of the person that I was in the past, in the NIWF. The past is the past, get the fuck over it. Next. You call me an “ass whore”. Something like that is so pathetically moronic that I am not even going to bother trying to counteract that. Next! You’re saying that you’re going to “fizzle out the lightning”. I doubt that, because it’s obvious that your common sense, your intelligence, your dignity, your manhood and your credibility fizzled out a long time ago. Yeah, I think that’s all I really need to say, and that’s without mentioning the fact that I’ve already beaten you twice and have gone farther in this company in just six matches than you have in about a year. So, what else are you going to come up with genius? Honestly, with how pathetic you’ve shown you’ve become, I can hardly take you seriously anymore.
Swift laughs as he thinks through the rest of Robert Carr’s promo.
Jay Swift: Seriously man, what the fuck is wrong with you? What in the hell did I ever do to you for you to hate me so much? I’m not crying about it, I think it’s extremely amusing that you have such a hatred for me when I never even met you until I joined AWR. You know what I think it is Robert? I think your hatred of me stems from your jealousy of me. And you know what else stems from your jealousy? The fact that you’ve never beaten me and the fact that you just harp on the kind of man that I once was, over and over and over again. Are you jealous of me because you wish you’ve had success in your career in wrestling that I have? I wouldn’t put it past you, after all, there have been plenty of men and women that have gotten jealous of Jay Swift over the years. Are you jealous of me because you know that you’ll never be the man that I am? I doubt anyone would even want to associate with someone that brutally butchers the English language every other word. Here’s my conspiracy theory for you Robert, and most likely this isn’t true, but I have to ask you a question. Are you related to Bret Harris and Rattlesnake by any chance? Maybe you’re jealous of me because I have what you don’t, a woman. And speaking of her, I’ll take a page out of my Anthony Royal tweet. My girlfriend can cut a better promo than you.
Swift laughs harder than ever, obviously he has something planned. He turns to his left and says something to someone off camera.
Jay Swift: Hey! Get over here!
He waits.
Voice: Do I really have to do this?
Jay Swift: You don’t HAVE TO, but it’ll be fun. Trust me. You saw what that son of a bitch said about me.
Voice: Yeah. (laughs). What a loser.
Jay Swift: I said you could cut a better promo than that guy and I want to prove it damn it! (laughs)
Voice: You said what? Oh god! You had this all planned didn’t you?
Jay Swift: I sure did!
With that, a woman walks into the picture right next to Swift, everything from her red hair, slightly nerdish complexion and her size 3 figure is perfect for him. In other words, she’s not a typical model and she’s highly smart.
Jay Swift: Anthony Royal, this is the girlfriend I was talking about on Twitter.
Woman: You did what now?
Jay Swift: I said you’d do better than he did against Kris Destiny.
Woman: I’m not even a wrestler.
Jay Swift: That’s the point. Anyway, Royal, Carr, everyone in AWR, this is Ophelia. We’ve been seeing each other for eleven months now. Ophelia, all I want you to do is tell Robert Carr what you think about him.
Ophelia: Do I get a prompt at least?
Jay Swift: Sure, if you want to call a list of bullet points a prompt.
Swift reaches into his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper. He hands it to her.
Jay Swift: Take it away.
Ophelia delivers a nervous laugh as she looks over the list. She takes a small breath and speaks.
Ophelia: Robert Carr, you wish you could be an eighths of a man that Jay is. You sound like one of those rednecks that never even got out of high school. Jay isn’t the kind of guy that would kiss any ass, nor is he someone that would be aligned with a group of absolute nobodies that are more incompetent than Bret Harris at a Harvard convention. You say that there are no “hardcore” Jay Swift fans? Were you deaf when Thunderstorm was rolling? Everyone loved him! And you are looking at a hardcore Jay Swift fan…
Jay Swift: She’s a hardcore Jay Swift fan in more ways than one!
Ophelia: Oh shut up! (laughs) Hell, I’m more of a fan of Jay Swift the man than Jay Swift the wrestler and believe me, if you even knew the kind of man that Jay is outside the ring, you wouldn’t even be hanging on to his past and the asshole that he used to be. Let me tell you a little bit about Jay Swift the man. Jay is one of the most charming people you’ll ever meet. All he ever talks about is how he wants to be a role model to his own daughter, who is about to turn three years old this weekend. All he ever talks about, along with that, is how much he wants me to be happy and how he’ll always be there for me no matter what. That’s not the Jay Swift that first broke into wrestling, I’m aware of that. But, I still accept him and love him because I’m not focused on what he was before, I’m more focused than what he is now. Robert Carr, you’re not even focused on what you are now, because if you were, you wouldn’t be in denial over your own career, because to tell you the honest to god truth, your career is so lame, it’d take more than a dose of Viagra to make it useful again.
Jay Swift: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!
Ophelia: That was good right? (laughs)
Jay Swift: That was AWESOME. Keep going.
Ophelia: You call Jay a bastard. Robert, listening to you talk is like listening to that teacher on Charlie Brown say anything that’s worth a crap. You’re a word that just so happens to end with “tard” and that starts with an “R”. Even you can figure out what that word is. Jay disguises the truth to look innocent. Huh? Jay disguises nothing! It is YOU that lives in denial and thinks that he’s still worth anything. Jay doesn’t need to “pretend” to be a fan favorite. You on the other hand, need to stop pretending to be a wrestler. Shut up Jay, don’t laugh. (laughs) Wait a minute….he called you an ass whore?
Jay Swift: Yep.
Ophelia: WOW! I’m done Jay, this guy’s not even worth it.
Jay Swift: Why do you think I brought you here to cut a better promo than him?
Swift takes over.
Jay Swift: Robert Carr, while you prepare to once again be struck down, electrified and brutalized by Arizona Lightning, Jay Swift, the lady and I are going to get something to eat.
Ophelia: About time, I’m hungry!
With that, the two of them leave toward the restaurant as the scene fades to black.